This is Why I Need to Start Gambling

So in my weekend review post, I mentioned the absurd nature of this NFL season. This unpredictability (See Philadelphia Eagles week 3: Win, 56-21; Philadelphia Eagles week 4: Lose, 16-3) makes me think that it would be damn near impossible to gamble on these games. Basically, you would have about as much luck picking these games as you would if you were a 35-year-old female Canadian car dealer who knows nothing about football.

But alas, you do not have the luck of a 35-year-old female Canadian car dealer who knows nothing about football, because a 35-year-old female Canadian car dealer who knows nothing about football just won $548,532 by picking EVERY SINGLE GAME correctly this past weekend. If Buffalo recovers that onside kick, she doesn't win. If a few field goals have their courses changed, she doesn't win.

Well at least since she had some money riding on these games, she paid attention to them, right? "I fell asleep while the games were playing." Okay, maybe she was really tired after diligently looking up stats to aid her wither her predictions. "All I did was fill in the boxes. I remember thinking when I finished what a pretty pattern it made." Fuck it. This is what the NFL season has come to.