Rumor: Kobe cleans shit out of his locker (gets rid of gross smell that's been lingering)

The scoop I’m getting from my sources in Los Angeles (hopefully Ken can verify this) is that Kobe has cleaned out his locker. Here's a list of some of the major htings that're gone:
- Some Axe deodorant. Even Kobe uses that stuff.
- Some old ticket stubs from Shrek 2.
- A bus fare (who uses the bus in Los Angeles??!)
- Shoes that don’t fit anymore. HE GREW?!
- A "Guide to the Good Life" LA Edition
- The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
- A few old pizza boxes, presumably that he and Lamar Odom ate after the Lakers were eliminated from the playoffs last May.
- Old photos of him and Shaq together, memories of when the Lakers were a "good team" that won "Championships."
- A half-eaten pink's hot dog.
- VHS cassette of 2000 Game 7 Western Conference Finals
- Unused Airline Tickets from this past summer to Chicago, Dallas, Phoenix, and Washington D.C.
- A bag of cocaine, apparently a gag gift to Vlade Divac which was never given.
- Sasha Vujajic.
- A douche.

Word has it that he’s finally shredded all those documents from the rape in Colorado case. I guess he’s finally found some other form of motivation to play well than the fact some girl wouldn’t want to have sex with Kobe.

“What do you think led me to score 81 points during that game against the Raptors? I just went back to the locker at halftime and read the legal ledger. Then when I came back out on the court, I shouted ‘WHO WOULDN’T HAVE SEX WITH ME!’ whenever I took a shot,” said Number 24.

Also missing from his locker is his Playstation2; Phil Jackson believes he’s replacing it with a Playstation3, since the cost just went down.

“Supposedly the graphics on the PS3 are a lot better than that on the PS2. Whatever…Kobe’ll just lose in NBA Live08 in really high definition,” said the Zen Master.

Personally, I have a hunch that, since he’ll be nearly $40 million dollars poorer when he opts out of the last two years on his contract, he’s going to go with the cheaper Wii.

Oh yeah, and he’s finally thrown out all his Laker shit. That includes commitments to the team, fans, and city, too. What a fucker.