A Letter to College Football

Dear College Football,

First off, I would like to thank you for being so amazing for nearly 140 years now. Many people complain about college football because you takes up too much of an athletic department's budget, or because your players are sometimes treated like professional athletes, with the "special benefits" they receive. But I have always defended you, because I know that you, America's true pastime, are deeply entrenched in the fabric of our history.

And going along with that, college football has always held a special place in all of our hearts because of the upset. America loves an underdog. Ever since our boys in blue defeated the heavily-favored lobsterbacks, the upset has become a great American tradition. Everyone (except for the fans of the favored team, of course) gets that incredible rush of joy when the unranked team with nothing to lose topples the mighty BCS giant. And the upsets over the years, as there have been many, and there will be many more in future years, have been oh-so-amazing, and I thank you for them.

The beauty of the upset is that it is unexpected. Frequent post-game comments from the winning coach in an upset: "Nobody believed in us except the guys in that locker room." "They said we couldn't do it. Look at us now!" "They got all the coverage, but we got the win." etc. And upsets don't come around too often, so that way, when they do, it remains special.

However, that brings me now to this, the 2007 college football season.

You have clearly realized that we love the upsets, so this season, you thought, in your infinite wisdom, that you would bless us with upset after upset after upset! And you wouldn't ease us into it, with a few minor upsets to start the season, and then getting progressively more ridiculous. No, you started us with a 1-AA (excuse me, National Football Championship Subdivision of Anaheim AA Playoff System Conference) team knocking off a top-5 squad that many picked as a trendy National Championship contender. This was quickly followed by more top 10 teams falling, one after another. It got to the point where everyone expected at least one top 10 team to lose every week.

And that was it. Bam. When we expect the upset, it is no longer really an upset, is it? You knew someone was going down this week. And while Florida beating Kentucky isn't that much of an upset (Florida has now won 21 straight against them), didn't you just kinda sense that Steve Spurrier's Gamecocks weren't going to fare too well against Vanderbilt? Oklahoma looked vulnerable against a bad Iowa State team. LSU needed a last second TD pass to keep them from losing two straight. But again, when we expect the top teams to lose every week, is it really that exciting when they do?

I'm afraid I'd have to say "no" to that question. In your great attempt to please us, College Football, you have let teams stumble in to the top 10, who, not sure how to react, quickly panic and lose to teams that they shouldn't be losing to. And so, College Football, as it is only a matter of time before Ohio State and Boston College lose, I'm going to have to say that I'm done. I can't take it any more. Too many upsets, to much predictable unpredictability, I feel like I'm in some sick episode of the Twilight Zone. The upsets you have bestowed upon us are nice, but we are now legitimately looking at a possible Kansas-Oregon national championship. There's no way these are the two best teams in the country. Just let me know when it's Bowl Season, and I'll be back. You know I can't resist that. At that point the rankings will be set, the dust will have settled, and the teams can play for hardware. But I'm afraid I just can't handle this roller coaster ride any longer.

You may be asking yourself, "Well what the hell else are you going to do?" and I am glad you asked it. The college hockey season is hitting full stride, and (Note: Shameless Miami University plug here) Miami University, a school I happen to attend, is ranked #2 in the country, possibly #1 after this weekend.

And hey, in case you didn't notice, which you probably didn't because there are in fact zero NHL games televised, the professional hockey season started, and I'm just going to let this video sum up why I love hockey:



So don't worry College Football. I appreciate your effort, I really do, but it's just too much right now. I'll miss you, but I think I'll get on alright. See you in December.

Love,

Tim